“Holy fucking shit!!!”
Full of excitement and happiness, I felt like I needed to immediately destroy something. I took a hose, siphoned the gas out of my exceptionally efficient modified Prius (80+ mpg with a GForce chip and removal of the rear seats), and filled my spare succulent terrarium with the flammable fossil fuel.
Other than the sale of my most recent web based application being purchased for way over market value by an entity that was just bought out by Facebook, this is the best thing that has happened to me all month.
I threw on my American made conflict free hoodie, Tom’s shoes, and ran into the mayhem.
“YEAAAHHHHHH! We did it!”
Weaving through the overturned Smart cars in the street, I made my way to the blaze in the middle of Mission and 19th. I threw in my contribution of literal fuel, a fireball went up and everyone went wild!!! I thought ‘This is AMAZING!! But, remember to donate $200 to 350.org to offset the CO2 you just released into the environment.’
Then I screamed out “SOMEONE STAB SOMEONE!!!” and they did.
I love baseball. Yes, I am a Royals fan, but I lived in SF for 5 years and that is an AMAZING city….why oh why do we celebrate a victory like this? It’s gross.
My sports team from my city won!! RIOOOOOTTTTTT!!!!!
….That was an absolutely amazing series though.
I want you to think of the worst driver you have ever encountered. Maybe it was that guy straddling the left two lanes of a busy highway going 40 mph, or some woman changing lanes on a two lane road into oncoming traffic completely oblivious to the fact that she was NOT on a one way street. Whatever you think of, whoever you think of, the very worst driving instance you can picture, Barack Obama is 5000 times worse.
The presidential motorcade ruins every commuters day. Road blocks, cops, cars pulled over, these are the results when someone has made mistakes on the road, which makes the fashion in which our president travels one giant mistake.
I live in LA, where Obama is hanging out for a couple days. LA traffic is terrible. It is mind boggling crowded on every street at every hour and even after living here 3 years I am still dumbfounded every time I get into my car…which may speak more about me than LA traffic….but traffic here is the pits. So when Obama’s motorcade comes in and bounces around to different engagements closing streets and turning bumper to bumper hell into hours upon hours of gridlock, I have to ask myself, why?
There are generally 16 cars in the presidential motorcade, each with a very specific purpose. The idea behind this army of blacked out town cars is to get the president to his/her destination safely and quickly.
Right now there is one motorcade in LA, the one the president is in (supposedly), so I know where the president is. Right now there are also roughly 200,000 black pruises in LA. Why not bullet proof one of those, tint the windows and let Obama and Bo the water dog drive around inconspicuously like we all do? Oh, because it would take more time, which is really the issue.
Here is why this is aggravating. Yes, the president is important, I do not deny that, but from a utilitarian standpoint our president is messing up the commute of 2 million-ish people, saving himself an hour or two while costing a collective tens of thousands of hours to the people of LA. So whatever he is doing must be of extreme importance…and I’m looking it up…..he is going to a fundraiser in Beverly Hills. Not cool. With current technology Obama can sit in the back of this make believe armored Prius and make calls, email, sleep, do whatever he needs to do, but instead he is rushed from point A to B forcing an inconvenience on everyone else.
Obama is getting blamed here, as he does for everything, but really whoever our current president is, that is the worst driver in our country. I could only imagine living in DC. It is over the top things like motorcades that make our leaders seem so removed, so entitled. I couldn’t call anyone that needs to disrupt the lives of so many to complete a task so simple a “man of the people”, which makes me think politicians lie. Wait, do they?
When I am president, I will not use a motorcade. This is a promise.