The hipster revenge of robert Price

I’ll admit it, I have been a bit of a bully, and now I have to pay the price. I certainly did not have malicious intentions behind my gentle teases and jovial pranks, but there was a line, and apparently I stepped both feet across it.
Robert stands before me with rage on his face, fire in his eyes, and a fully functioning civil war musket in his hands.
I should be terrified, adrenaline should be coursing through my veins preparing me for my instinctual “fight or flight” reaction. But I am not, and it is not.
548921_10100689136412018_2068761317_n If I were someone off the street, maybe I would be intimidated, but I know Robert and he is as soft and docile as a newborn cub.
Robert’s stocking cap resembles one you might see atop a violent criminals head, but I know that it is a hand sewn designer wool cap that cost $125. His jeans are workman’s Levi’s, but a rare workman pant modeled after dockworkers in the early 20th century. They are waxed, weatherproofed and priced at $300. His tight henley shirt shows off his recently sculpted body (courtesy of Curves), and while it seems to resemble the common shirt Dexter wore to off his many victims, it is actually a herringbone wool blend that was purchased at a boutique in San Francisco with an inflated price of $175. He wears soft leather boots. The kind you might see on a weathered old man that has been kicking around in the same footwear for the better part of 3 decades. But again, Robert’s boots were purchased for the vintage look and were pulled off a shelf at a small nook of a cobbler in New York City. These boots are equivalent to a weeks wages of the individual who brought him the box.
And his belt.
Robert made his own belt at a tannery in Mendicino and used a brass door locking mechanism found in a Placerville gold rush era cabin as the buckle. He made the trip solely for the purpose of fabricating said belt and describes it as “priceless”.
In case it isn’t obvious by his outfit, the fact that Robert is wielding a late 18th century rifle as his weapon of choice should convey to everyone that Robert is a hipster.
It was these thoughts that made me smirk. Before me stands an armed man filled with directed anger, and I can’t help but crack a smile. Maybe this facial expression was the final straw, maybe the final straw was the snap and pops I hid all over his bedroom, either way, Robert pulled that trigger.
I felt the musket ball crack into my left rib cage as I fell back onto a mid century handcrafted teak side table with marble inlay in the foyer of Roberts apartment.
I looked up to see him mishandling the weapon in comical fashion while he reached into his ammo pouch. Robert pulled out a charge and bit the top off with his teeth while keeping the musket ball in his mouth. Then a look of confusion spread across his face. He reached on top of his refinished Oak flat top steamer trunk with Amish leather straps and grabbed his iPhone 5s.
“Siri, how do you reload a musket?”
I couldn’t help but turn my smile into laughter, accelerating the rate of blood filling my left lung. As I choked on my own fluids I laid back and closed my eyes, coughing up a mouthful of blood onto Robert’s imported undyed camel hair Persian rug.
I unsuccessfully tried to take one more inhale, and then heard the last words I would ever hear,
“Ew. Gross.”

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