Worst new way

Certainly you have all sat and thought “what would be the worst way to die?” at some point in your life. The thought never really being able to register because you haven’t yet died, and you can’t actually know what would truly be more awful with 100% certainty. If you are a man, this way is the worst. The worst. It is also something I never have thought of, and still don’t understand how it’s possible. After a parking dispute and violent exchange in the Hainan Province (China’s southernmost province), a 41 year old female scooter driver squeezed a 42 year old mans testicles…..until he died. This is awful in so many ways, and confusing in others. While testicles are vital in my mind, they are not considered a “vital organ” for survival. This story leaves some unanswered questions for sure, but it gives me a new answer to the worst way possible to die, and I never ever, ever, ever, want to hear about it again.

That’s a totally resonable request

The “King of Pop” is dead. Many are saddened, some are confused, the rest could care less. 30 year old John Ernest Cross seems to fall in the middle of these three options, maybe not just on his opinion of Michael Jackson, but rather about life in general. On April 24th Cross requested a neighbor to do “the moonwalk”, this request was enforced by the fact that Cross asked while pointing a gun at him. Obviously drugs were involved, but while you say, “what an odd request”, I offer an explanation. I think that Cross watched a western movie marathon, followed closely by Breakin’ and Breakin 2: Electric Boogaloo. So while the tough cowboy in his head wanted his neighbor to “dance”, the breakdance lover in him demanded more. In the end, the man made it out without getting shot, and honestly, this surprises me. I have friends that could not skip rope if their life depended on it, much less do the moonwalk any sort of justice. So either Cross pulled the gun on someone that has practiced a dance move or two, or he doesn’t really know what the moonwalk is. Either way, dude’s in jail, other dude is fine, just another example of how weird we humans are.

Is this for real?

I grew up loving Superman, the comics, cartoons, movies, lunchboxes, anything that pertained to this powerful good Samaritan I wanted to own. He was my hero. Then I hit puberty, and I envied Superman for another reason, his x-ray vision. Fast forward 20 years, and every adolescent kid just hit the jackpot. A new chip using Complementary Metal-Oxide Semiconductor technology and terahertz waves has made it possible to see through walls (among other things) when used in combination with your smartphone. I am not exactly sure how this works, and am a little skeptical, amazed, and dumfounded. Technology has finally caught up with our fictional superheros, which almost makes me sad. In a couple decades will Superman be completely obsolete? If this is where things are going, let me be the first one bitten by the radioactive spider, and if this is where things are going, are we ever going to have privacy again? The average person in the US is currently on camera 200 times a day. Now these cameras can potentially see everything. Awesome, yes. Obtrusive and unnecessary, also yes. Next industry, x-ray vision proof clothing…patent pending.